$BREAD
ContractSOON
Bread Thief, an orange kitten, sitting in a pantry corner eating a slice beside a torn bread bag and a scatter of crumbs

Unauthorized breakfast specialist

BreadThief

One loaf entered. Several crumbs left the premises.

LOAF AFTER DARK ◆ CRUMBS ON CHEST ◆ WRAPPER BREACHED ◆ NO WITNESSES ◆ SECOND SLICE MISSING ◆ PAWS OCCUPIED ◆ ALIBI NAP TIME ◆ BREAKFAST ACQUIRED ◆

Two Working Modes

Silent Entry

Approaches the loaf with whiskers forward and absolutely no signed paperwork.

Public Lunch

Eats beside the evidence, maintaining firm eye contact until every corner disappears.

The Usual Route

At 3:14 a.m., Bread Thief leaves the warm chair and follows the paper-bag rustle. The target is always soft, sliced, and poorly supervised. Entry takes one paw. Extraction takes two. By sunrise, the loaf is lighter, the floor is richer in crumbs, and the suspect is seated beside the wrapper, finishing a corner as if breakfast had been officially assigned.

Bread Thief holding a slice in both paws beside the breached bread bag

The loaf never stood a chance.